| People are not strange just strangely selfish... |
[Oct. 1st, 2008|11:48 am] |
First I would like to begin this post by saying "yes, I am aware I have many of the flaws I am about to harp on and yes, I agree that just knowing I have these flaws is not the same as correcting them."
That being said I am about to complain about the people I know and their behavior lately.
Firstly: Vania is on a rampage of selfishness and airheadedness that is amazing. Paris would have a hard time keeping up with this bitch. As much as I love Vania, at this point her complete 180 has left me agog and disgusted. Meanwhile Lionel is sharing way too much of his dissatisfaction with Vania's behavior with me which in turn does not improve my opinion of her.
Example:She shows Lionel a page from the Tiffany's catalogue. There is a picture of a charm bracelet that is $250.00. She says, "Lionel this will be your anniversary present to me. This is what I want."
Example: "Lionel I want us to go to Santa Barbara for 5 days for my birthday." Lionel says, "We can't afford it, Squeaky" Vania goes shopping and when Lionel questions any of her spending she states, "Well I might as well have something nice since we're NOT GOING TO SANTA BARBARA."
Example: Lionel will spin at a cousin's party for free just to get some practice in. This is the saturday night before Vania's Birthday. She buys a sequined tank top and hair accessory for $48.14. She buys $50.00 shoes. Lionel again questions not only her spending but the revealing nature of her outfit. Vania declares, "I'm young and beautiful and I should dress how I want"
Example: Vania's day off on Monday. Her birthday is over, I have washed all dishes and cleaned everything up since she shouldn't have to lift a finger for her bday party clean up (if only people were more considerate of me!) She is engrossed in her laptop (shopping) when I get home and I see the dishes have mysteriously multiplied. The house is a mess again. I sigh inwardly and decide to clean tommorrow. Then I spot Leeloo,our little ball of fluff, at the door looking longingly at the outside. Earlier, Vania had told Lionel how she was worried about Leeloo's bowels since she hadn't pooped all day. I say, "Looks like Leeloo needs to go outside." Vania swims out from her juicy couture stupor and says, "Lionel just took her out." That had been an 1 1/2 prior. I grab a leash and a bag and take the dog for a walk. The dog pees several times and poops as well. Fucking Lazy Bitch is Still on the couch shopping when I come back.
Example: Vania rushes home after work. Lionel has asked her to walk the dog when she gets home. She has a hair appointment and hurriedly ties Leeloo on the back porch using the short leash and runs off to get $80.00 worth of hair treatments. Lionel comes home to find Leeloo struggling to sit as her leash is too short. Vania comes home, I am sitting with Lionel and he is telling me everything that happened (listed above, hair appt. etc..) Lionel is pissed about Leeloo's treatment. Vania rushes in and changes into her workout clothes. Lionel says, "You need to walk the dog before you go exercise." Vania replies, "No I don't! I bathed her today. That's all I need to do. You should walk her." Lionel explains that he has to go to school. They go onto their bedroom for a discussion. Vania flies out of the house dragging Leeloo for a run around the block (slamming the front door on her way out). Not only is the walk not long enough, but since they were running Leeloo has had no chance to stop and go potty.
Example: Lionel and Vania made their original wedding plans for October of this year. Instead they eloped last year. Lionel has asked Vania to please remember to cancel all the arrangements and retrieve deposits from various wedding agencies. Vania gets a call from the florist. It seems that a year later, Vania has not "had a chance" to call and cancel the flower arrangements. The florist is furious and insisting on charging them $3,000. She has vania's credit card info and pre-approval for the sale since last year. Every time Vania calls to talk to her the florist hangs up in disgust. Lionel tells Vania, she must go and speak to the florist in person, make amends and try to retrieve some of their money back. Vania says, she will do it after her bday.
Add these to all the complaints she has about sharing the house, that I don't clean enough, that the backyard is taking foreveer, that I'm always mad about Leeloo's mistakes etc...
A very selfish and spoiled Vania is the bane of Lionel & Vania's existence.
The next person I will be complaining about is Roxy, the chubby queen of my brother's heart. I offer her a job at my work in good faith, thinking perhaps that she could start contributing to supporting herself instead of making my brother work himself to death on her behalf. She works for one day and complains about how hard the work is, how she's only working there as a favor to Ana, She calls in sick her second day and tells me she has a Dr.'s appt. on Friday so she won't be able to come in. Now what workplace wouldn't let go of a person when she calls in sick her SECOND day of work and requests a day off her first week there. She is going to be my brother's tumor forever. She won't even get up in the morning to cook for him. If she's a useless worker, a useless housewife, her ovaries are so damaged she can't have kids, and she constantly denies my brother sex, what the fuck use is she as a human being??! My brother must be insane. Heather had the nerve to lecture me on my behavior in firing her. She said I could have "handled it better" Shut the fuck up Heather. In the real world Roxy would have been let go in the same manner I did it.
Example: At Cosmic Gate, James requests her help with a girl who has taken too many pills at once. Instead of joining in on the Rave spirit and being helpful, she tells him that the girl is NOT her freind and therefore not her problem.
And in the categorey of too many times to list seperately, how is it that she thinks it's all right to sit on her fat ass and ask my brother WHO HAS WORKED HARD ALL DAY to "go to the car and get my____________. Can you get up and get my purse? It's RIGHT THERE RYAN! OMG you're so stupid, it's right there-to your left a little!" Get off the fucking couch and get your own purse you cow!
Then you have Crystin who has also confused her boyfriend with having a servant. "Kenny is driving me________________. We're not together because I can't deal with his cavalier attitude but he is still required to obey my MANY needy impulses" "Kenny says he needs to work out what he really wants and make changes. Maybe then he will be able to be the boyfriend I deserve." "Kenny hasn't called or texted me in two days."
Crystin...HELLO! Kenny is now running away from you and if he should ever ask me I would encourage him to avoid future contact with you. You don't understand his laidback attitude, you don't have any idea how to cope with being his FRIEND much less trying to be his gf. If he is not immediately dancing attendence upon you, you believe he's fucking Malea or some other random rave-chick, or that he doesn't love you. You believe he has to change before you will be happy together. But the truth is if you don't stop being insecure, needy and demanding it will never work out with you two.
Needy Example:"Ana, Kenny's in Burbank at an after party in the park. Will you please go with me to go see him?" "CJ I don't wanna go." "Please!" "CJ I am in recovery mode, I feel like shit, I don't wanna see a buncha losers trying to recature a rave moment in some park!" "Please!" "No." Crystin shows up at my house and drags me there anyway. She hovers over Kenny and kisses him. Some hula hoop girl does not say hi to CJ. Cj comes up to Heather and I and states, "See how she didn't say hi to me? She is jealous that I have Kenny. She hates me." I tell her, "she hasn't said hi to you because she doesn't KNOW you and you have approached their little park party, You're supposed to say Hi first! Nitwit."
Needy Example: "Ana go to Nikita this saturday! I wnat you to come!" "I'll think about it." Anaananaanananana please come!" "CJ why should I come if all that will happen is that you show up say Hi to me then run off to socialize with tons of other people and I won't see you 1/2 the night?" "Please come hang out with me! Can you drive me over there cuz I'll get drunk and be too sleepy to drive home?" I agree and the night of the event she shows up and tells me Kenny will be driving her to Nikita.
Heather has been on a selfish binge lately. She borrows her mom's car, gets into two fender benders, doesn not seem to feel sorry about any of it at all. She asked me how much she owes me for her 24 hour fitness membership and when I say about 10 months, she claims she paid for some of it and then never brings it up again. She has needed more transport than ever before due to her mom's car being in the shop and when I mention I have put 3 gallons of gas in the car in one week does not even offer to help me with gas. She claims that I abuised her at POP and that is why she refuses to go to SF with us.
Masaki's latest crime in the selfish bin: Masaki why would you make it seem like you were coming over to help me with Vania's party and then tell me you're at Wal-Mart buying something for yourself? If You don't wanna help-just fucking speak up and say so! Every time you lead me to believe that you are going to help and then just blow it off. Never Mind. It's my fault. I will stop asking you for help.
JR how dare you tell Marc that you want a new car after fucking your own car up? Did you realize that he would tell me? It will destroy our friendship (which is practically non-existent now) for me to see you driving a new car. Cuz I will have bought that car.
Lionel-You took all the credit for the sushi party. It was all your idea huh? You also were generous enough to tell me that if you win the lotto I can live in a small pool house on your estsate and I can clean and cook for you and Vania instead of paying rent. Gee thanks.
And Ryan. Stop fucking asking me for a bday gift. I threw you a party be an adult and STFU. |
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| Friends and their quirks. |
[May. 15th, 2008|02:59 pm] |
I am not really angry about Alex and his bullshit. It's dumb and it shows how young he is. At this point I'm willing to go out on a limb and say that even Masaki's more evolved.
I am more worried about the way America is becoming a police state. I didn't even know what that meant until this year. But as I read more and More Boing Boing I began noticing things and now I'm worried. I don't want to live somewhere that the government controls completely. Maybe it was always like this. Maybe all these rules and oppression is common and it's always been like this. You always need rules so that people will break them and then feel free. Thus the only change is that people have become afraid after 9-11 and now no one will stand up for themselves. Are we all Republicans now? If My grandma was here she'd be screaming that we're all a bunch of Pussies. Was Pearl Harbor less horrific?
I went to Guitar Center yesterday to get my musical prodigy roommate a gc for his bday. Firstly-Guitar Center in Pasadena must think it's the next target of a terrorist cell because they put the stupid entrance on the back. It's pretty convoluted. Only One exit/entrance and it's on the back. Whatev. Then they ask that you leave your bags at the front desk-cuz u know I could totally fit a bass in my purse. Well, with those ginormous celebpurses maybe you could. But I just have a small faux Tokidoki Sportsac. And when I get to the counter, ask for the gc from a bunch of guys (it was almost a scene like High Fidelity but with uglier guys-seriously)I swipe my debit card for the sale. The guy then asks me for the last 4 digits of the card "uh, wha-?" I was confused. I had never been asked for that before! Then after the sale he asks for my name. What the hell is that all about? I ask for what and he said "for credit sales they make us input that" And I was thinking, but I used a debit card. I gave it to him still wondering why all the security measures and when I left they asked to see the gc AND the receipt!! It was ridiculous. I'm never buying from there again. there must be a more friendly music store somewhere.
But honestly all these rules about taking pictures downtown, all the TSA bullshit while at the airport, it's fucking ridiculous.
pretty soon I'll need to file a request to wipe my ass. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 15th, 2008|12:24 pm] |
Ohio 9-12-06
niateru looks good on u
gurumi stuffed
dansei men's part
dentist 5-16-06
optometrist 5-18-06
The Wild Bunch
In the Realm of The Senses
Irreversible
I spit on Your Grave
Kids
A Real Young Girl
Fat Girl
Triumph of Will
Viridiana |
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| RAA all-stars |
[Apr. 24th, 2008|02:33 pm] |
The Raver Academy Awards
RAAStars
Categorey: Best Whining
Gold goes to:
Cynthia for her daring performance in Mammoth! Congratulations, on setting the bar on how much a person can whine on a ‘fun” trip.
Silver goes to:
Nanette for her daring portrayal of a noob when snorting K (same trip as the one above) She’s wheedling her way into the hearts of all, and trying to get into their future condos! Best new buddy of Cynthia - with good reason.
Bronze goes to:
Crystin on the same trip surprise surprise! For her reaction to Cynthia’s Brattitude, and for even considering that Kenny was even remotely interested in Cyn. Eww.
Honorable Mention:
Heather for her various “ailments” May your next UTI be your last! God Bless.
Categorey: Best Saying NO to Drugs.
Gold goes to:
Kristy Catholic-type values at their worst.
Silver goes to:
Butch Catholic values at their best! Thanks for following the ‘judge not lest ye be judged’ school of worship. We all appreciate it!
Bronze goes to:
Lionel for threatening Vania with divorce if she smokes out!
Categorey: Best at Spoiling Their Boyfriend’s Fun
Gold Platinum!goes to:
Cynthia wow she’s sweeping the awards! She wins this one for her excellent emasculation of Derek and her success at warping him into thinking he has a porn problem. And for calling him “Bun” in front of his friends….’nuff said
Gold goes to:
Roxanne for making my brother into her personal court jester.
Silver goes to:
Kristy By denying him constantly, she’s made Robert a drug fiend Congrats!
Bronze goes to:
Crystin she’s just too demanding. You Go Girl! Make Kenny ashamed of his car!
Categorey: Best At Spoiling Their Girlfriend’s Fun
Gold goes to:
Shaun For keeping such close tabs on his young Heina.
Silver goes to:
Lito for controlling Danielle’s money and trying to erase her first borns.
Bronze goes to:
JR for being Don Juan even when the relationship was NOT “open”
Categorey: Best Portrayal Of a Sex Offender
Gold goes to:
Mario for leering at girl’s in the group and sending weird, slightly offensive Myspace comments.
Silver goes to:
Ariel for dating a 15 year old, then dating Yui who looked like a 15 year old, then in general being stalker-ish and violent to his womens.
Bronze goes to:
JP for his dirty-mind in general.
Categorey: Best Disapproving look
Gold goes to:
Kristy
Silver goes to:
Cynthia
Bronze goes to:
Roxanne
Categorey: Best Portrayal of a Dissolute Drug Addict
i.e. Most Likely to Overdose
Gold goes to:
Eric
Silver goes to:
Marc
Bronze goes to:
Tony
Honorable Mention(s):
Brian for his performance at Tiesto in San Diego.
Chi for her performance in Mammoth.
Categorey: Best Group Slut
Gold goes to:
Nanette
Silver goes to:
JR
Bronze goes to:
Robert for testing out the girls before getting them boyfriends in the group.
Honorable Mention:
Kristy for her outfits.
Categorey: Most Likely To Get Us Thrown Out
Gold goes to:
Roxanne
Silver goes to:
Masaki (but at least your steak will be cut!)
Bronze goes to:
Ana Aleve Anyone?! |
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| Rave Hotel |
[Apr. 14th, 2008|12:08 pm] |
With all the Ideas banding about in my head, I've realised that I wish I had endless money, just to make some of these things come true. Of course if I had all that moola I'd probably just give it away to my hapless amigos. Anyway, one idea is to set up a modern hotel based on the comfort needs of Ravers. I know raving is a dying activity, nonetheless I think if it was designed correctly this Hotel could be accessible to non-ravers as well.
First I would have these beds:
http://www.stereophile.com/news/012208transportbed/
They hook up to ipods so you're surrounded by sound.
Then I would have this in the bathroom:
http://nbm.typepad.com/kbis_live/2008/04/the-tub-thats-b.html
And of course large flatscreens, surround sound, Lovesacs, soothing colors, blackout curtains, connecting/adjoining rooms.
It's nice to have ideas huh? Even super silly ones. |
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| Busy busy busy |
[Mar. 28th, 2008|03:54 pm] |
Here I go again overextending!!!
I'm tired just looking at my schedule. Anyway for the time being it sounds fun.
Right now i'm working on my kitchen floor. I'm re-tiling it. I hope to be done by Sunday so I can move my new stove in. I was hoping for help but neither my brother nor Masaki have seen fit to offer aid. Masaki I understand-he hasn't called so he doesn't know I would like some help. i need to call him. But my brother is useless. Far from being understanding-he is piqued because I have told him I'm busy everytime he's asked to come over. Instead of asking "doing what?" or "can we help?" he just gets mad and hangs up. What a little asshole. It's probably Roxanne's influence. She's always first to find flaws in others' behaviors instead of researching the reasons behind it. And she's quick to feel slighted. Needs to poop more. She's constipated and unhappy.
Crystin has been whining that I don't keep her abreast of new group outings. Despite the fact that I have loudly and vociferously announced my resignation as the group's party planner (since every successful event I chair is never appreciated or reciprocated) she insists that I am keeping her in the dark proposefully. She is crazy. I have made the decision to post every event i am planning to participate in on my Myspace calender. it is updated until July. The fact that she refuses to go on myspace because she will see something that will make her jealous of Kenny or upset her is ridiculous. Why are all these girls lately so....so insecure and irrational.
I have bought a dress for Danielle's wedding already. I am so excited because i found the perfect 60's style dress at Ross and it was 14.99! What a steal! First thing this morning-Heather makes me feel bad about my choice of outfit! I hate when she passes judgement on what I decide to wear. Like her baby phat gold trimmed jeans that flatten her already flat ass are any better. I am not even allowed to say anything to her because she'll get a teary and emotional about it. Yet, she can sit and tell me I am going to look ridiculous and I am just gonna deal with it. What a crock of shit. Whatever. I had already asked Danielle if it was okay for me to go to her wedding as a 1960's vixen and she said okay. She thought it would be funny and cute. So shut up Heather!
So here's the hair-do I want and the make up too:
I also want a pair of white gogo boots to complete the set. hahahah It's gonna be fun!
Speaking of weddings, there was that fiasco where we almost didn't have a wedding. Lito and Danielle were fighting about Amanda again. They are both really inflexible about this issue. Lito needs to accept that Danielle has a past and children she loves, and Danielle needs to accept that Lito and Amanda will never ever get along.And also that she needs to quit babying those brats. she's gonna forever blame herself but really-those kids are bringing all this misfortune upon themselves. I understand Amanda's position better than anyone and I learned to conform and adapt to the crazy adults in my life in order to secure a place to live and a peaceful home life. The fact that she is insistent on doing things HER WAY to get what SHE wants and not bothering to bend or compromise means that she will be homeless and unwanted. She is so stupid.
And the wedding itself is blowing out of control. All weddings are like that. You decide you want a small affair, 50 people, Elvis, jeans and t-shirts. and it just snowballs. danielle will never admit it but she was the start of the whole explosion. i knew this wedding was gonna be bigger than they originally thought. That's why people elope. They start out with this simple small vision of what they want their wedding to be and it just starts to grow like a lace covered starving amoeba. But when we did the wedding reconnaissance last month and we're at the chapel and Danielle said, "how much for hair and make up?" I heard the hounds of extravagance baying in the distance. I said "you're gonna have your hair done and makeup and wear a T-SHIRT?" and she hemmed and hawed and then said "ya, I guess I'll have to find sumthin to wear." Then Lito started pouring gasoline unto the wedding fire by adding that he wanted a recption with cake and champagne. Then the pink caddy driven into the chapel with fog...and it just goes on and on. Lito also started telling everyone in his family about it and now the guest list is outta control, Danielle is unhappy with all his side of the family coming (I get this cuz I hate my family of Flips too)The basic Elvis wedding is $295.00. I think between the two of them they managed to raise that to $5,000.00.Hahaha Ah, L'amour!
Meanwhile, Last Monday Heather tells me that she got a ticket on the oldsmobile. I was like hmmm interesting. Then she reported she actually had 2 tickets and laughed it off like no big deal. I was a little perturbed. Someone as broke as her shold be-moan every extra unessential expense. Then it became "OMG THEY TOWED MY CAR!" Well WTF? why wouldn't they? If you get two TWO tickets on your car wouldn't YOU FUCKING MOVE IT!? So she had to borrow her mom's credit card and pay the fee of $295.00. And then she tells me this story filled with Indignation!:
1)"Did you KNOW that the city is now ticketing people who leave their cars in the same spot for more thatn three days? And that they have these new high powered cameras that take pictures of your car and have you towed???!"
2)"My mom expects me to pay her back!! Can you believe that?"
Haahahahaha. Geez whaddya know?
Inconctheivable. |
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| My dream trip. |
[Dec. 21st, 2007|04:02 pm] |
Lax to Osaka 5918.56miles
Osaka to Katmandhu 2887.51miles
Katmandhu to Prague 3945.70miles
Libson to Dublin 1019.67miles
Dublin to New York 3173.96miles
New York to L.A. 2457.52miles
total air travel miles 16803.92miles |
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| High school Tales |
[Dec. 18th, 2007|10:50 pm] |
The following were transposed from a badly penned old diary. The errors in grammer, judgement and overall bad 17 year old girl writing were left intact.
May 20, 1993
Neither Debbie nor Yvonne could come with me to celebrate my birthday. As usual I asked my parents to take me to a local amusement park. Living in Los Angeles has the advantages of Disneyland, Magic Mountain, Knott's Berry Farm, Universal Studios, Medeival Times, and the Rennaisance Fair. I always wanted to go to the Rennaissance fair but my parents refuse to drive to San Bernadino so I settled for Knott's Berry Farm. Anyway I had fun I just wished they were with me and I bought Yvonne's belated birthday present. Yvonne's birthday is the 20th but since I wouldn't see her all day she wouldn't get it on time.Debbie asked me to buy a present for Yvonne and I came up with the idea of buying it at Knott's because Yvonne loves Snoopy and Knott's is a Snoopt metropolis. (Camp Snoopy, Snoopy's Snapshot's etc...) So Debbie and I decided to wait until Monday the 24th (my birthday) to give her her present. Yvonne was a bit disgruntled at first regarding our plan but then she accepted it.
May 21, 1993
Today Debbie, Yvonne and I had permission slips to go to the Mark Taper Forum. We were sure it was going to be boring. A woman named Ana D. was going to place herself in various roles of people who had definite opinions of last year's riots. (The L.A. riots were caused by a verdict of Not Guilty passed on 4 police officers who were videotaped beating a black man, Rodney King. The city burned for days, looting was an everday happening and the National Gaurd was called in.) The woman would portray in exacting detail, the people she had interviewed after the riots. We decided to go because we wanted to experience some culture, we wanted to dress up, and we wanted to ditch class. I ditched 1st period which was my geometry class and I would live to regret my deception later. Debbie had concoted the plan to decieve Ms. Lam. The trip started @9:15 am during second period, the trip slip only had blanks for initialing of the teachers from 2-6th periods. all I would have to do is add an extra blank then after Ms. Lam had signed it, I would scribble it out. This would give me permission to get out of 1st period without being truant. Well I did all this and it was a waste since I could have just asked Ms. Lam if I could leave her class to go get my programmme for next semester which is where I spent my time during my ditched period anyway.
Anyway we were well-dressed today, me in my beige pants and animal print blouse, Yvonne in a long elegant navy dress with white polka dots, and Debbie n a brand new summer dress she had made herself. Before we left Debbie had a form to turn in to a teacher name Wadsworth. She was running for School Senior Senator. there were about 25 people running against her though so she changed to running for Vice President. Her only competition was a girl named Violet Garcia. I'd known her in junior high but I disliked her because she became conceited and wouldn't talk to me in High School. Anyways, after that Yvonne went to her calculus class and I went with Debbie to get programmed (like a robot huh?) It took the ENTIRE period and i still wasn't happy with my schedule. Neither was Debbie but we'd have to wait until later to change them. We left for the buses where Yvonne was angry with us for being a little late. She'd actually believed that we had ditched her. She's so insecure. Yvonne and Debbie sat across from me and Debbie and I played Big (or in Cantonese-Die) The card game involved each player having 13 cards. Usually 4 player but 2 could play just as well. Diamonds were the lowest and then clubs, hearts, spades. But here's where the game becomes confusing. Three's are the highest cards and fours are the lowest. The order goes 4,5,6,7,8,9,10,jack queen king, ace, 2, 3-3 of spades being the highest card possible and whoever has the 4 of diamond begins the game(or lowest 4). You can throw your hand down singles, matched pairs, matched three of a kind or even matched 4 of a kind but with the four you have to add an unmatched single. Full houses, straights, flushes, and straight flushes could be played each having to be higher than the one thrown before it.
We arrived at the Mark Taper Forumand we were a bit early so we hung around the Music Center Plaza in Downtown L.A. We finally got in and were told to leave our things at the door.(?) It was a well-appointed theater with soft blue seats. we sat in a row the four of us (Keri had joined us, she's a friend of Debbie's) from the end it was Debbie, Keri, Me, then Yvonne. The owners decided to give us a technical "tour" of a theater production. It was long, boring and the men were very poor actors. We got a break at 11:00to go outside and eat they said we'd have to be back in 20 min.
We went back and found out that the play would be cut shorter than we thought and that the teachers should make changes accordingly. It was a fascinating play and afterwards Mrs. |
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| New Year's Resolutions.... for others |
[Dec. 10th, 2007|04:04 pm] |
So since noe one really listens to any of my advice I thought I would relieve my stress by running peoples' lives in my head. Here are what I think the people around me should try yo do as their new year's resolutions:
Nanette: Stop expecting Los Angeles to be the fairy tale that David told you it was. This is not Missouri. Rent is like 3x what it is anywhere else so people are rushing around, scrambling to get money to pay the rent. They do not have time to say Hello and chat with you. Also, in the love department, you are not the first to love someone you can't have. Have a funeral for this guy, burn some incense and call it a day. Learn to be alone for more than 2 months. Also, stop trying to be white. You're not white. Neither is anyone else in Los Angeles. We're all taupe mixed breeds and we respect all cultures. Saying that you're uncomfortable around "us" ethnics is not only insulting, it's ironic.
Masaki: Sell one of your cars and get a motorcycle. And start looking for a new place to live. I KNOW you've just been sitting around at Lito's self-righteously saving money because that is what you believe Lito wants you to do. But every house guest, even incvisible ones like yourself, become a nuisance. "A guest and a fish after three days are poison." French Proverb. Oh and reslove to shower more often. Just cuz.
Ryan: Resolve to eat macaroni and cheese and pb & j sandwiches. Save money. Stop letting Roxanne boss you around so much. The Pussy can't be THAT good! From what I understand, you hardly get any. Stop asking me for money, don't ask Marc for drugs, Don't ask Masaki for tickets to raves, Don't ask your mom to let you live there for free. Stop being a whiny little bitch and GROW UP. When I was your age I was waaaaaay poorer and for like three weeks only ate apples. You on the other hand are eating mcdonalds and whilst holding the wrapper in one hand ask me to lend you money. NO! And I can't even lecture u properly cuz u run off and try yo kill yourself! Next Year reslove to grow some balls! BTW when I was suffering and broke I WAS ALONE. You at least have someone dumb enough to want to be poor with you and pathetic enough to live in your mom's basement with you.
Roxanne: Stop being a tough bitch to everyone. Resolve to let your past go and be decent to strangers. Also Leave my brother alone. Yeah, he was always a depressed little cry baby but lately he's been worse in his self esteem and I have a feeling it's cuz of u. Knock it off. Oh! And wear bigger clothes. You're starting to look swollen. And cook food for my brother. You might hate being a stereotypical mexican wifey but you are sponging off my bro so you need to step up and help him save money by making pb & j sandwiches and mac 'n cheese. Also, I know you hate my stepmother and stepgrandfather, but you made a deal with them that you would clean the house. So do it and shut up or find a place to rent that u can afford...u have no job or money! Just clean the fucking house!
Heather: Reslove to stop eating out at all. Stop sitting there accusing me of being in a bad mood. Do not use the phrase: moody, bitchy, angry to describe me. I am fucking driving you around with no gas money contributions, I am paying your 24 hour fitness fee and you won't even go with me. Resolve to sell your cars and make progress towards a new car & place to live. Stop spending money on and with Brian. Spend more time with your mother. Oh and don't make me pick u up in the morning just cuz u don't feel like driving to my house! I hate driving down figueroa and coming home a 1/2 hour later than usual cuz I had to drop you off.
Brian: Resolve to at least finish your script so you can actually be depressed about ur rejections rather than anticipating its failure. Tell Heather (and everyone else) she is your girlfriend. Stop worrying about your brother when he's with me. I promise-he is not hungry, lost or needing anything that YOU can provide when he's at my house.
Lito: Be nicer to Danielle. Stop teaching your kids bad habits-I swear the amusement you are enjoying now is going to turn into bitterness when they are teenagers. Oh! And how about a little discipline with those kids? At their age I had to cook, clean and do my own laundry cuz I was parentless. They are capable of a little more than you give them to do right now. Please stop teasing Marc about his sexual realtions with me. I promise to tell you everything after I marry that idiot.
Danielle: Stop spoiling your kids. I love you but You are what psychologists call: AN ENABLER. Also, tell Lito to fuck off more. He needs to know that you are not his little trailer park ho.
Kristy: Stop being so shy! We have known each other for over 3 years now. You are engaged to Robert. Just fucking deal with the fact that we are going to be in your life foever and get comfortable.
Robert: Resolve to stop expecting a lot of people in retail. They are poor and hate all consumers. Leave them be.
Kety: Resolve to understand that we all love you but all us girls hate u a little cuz you are every man's dream and with you around the rest of us are all inadequate. It shows how much we love you that we continue to be your second bests.
Alex: PLUR you are missing the R! Yeah, we can't dance as well, yeah u learnt mixing super fast, You are a raving savant. Now please be nicer to all of us and dont make us feel bad about our raving skills. Resolve to let the rest of us in the middle of the circle. Resolve to cut Chance's leg off and give to Ana. I own that leg bitch.
Vania: Resolve to be more compassionate to your fellow man. You are smart but if you were genius level we'd be rich already. So stop judging others as inferior to your brain.
Lionel: Resolve to stop biting me. Oh! And resolve to remember when bills and rent are due. If you look surprised one more time when I request your share I'm gonna whck you upside the head. Oh! And if you question the amount again I will make you pay them all and I will just give you my share. That way you can have the responsibility I have and no perks...just like me.
J.R.: Resolve to stop spending Ana's money on weekly pot purchases.
Gen: Hell I dunno if you're J.R.'s girlfriend right now or not, but stop being so shy and eat a twinkie okay?
Cynthia: I'll come back to this it's gonna be long.
Derek: Resolve to put Cynthia in her place before it's too late.
Crystin: Stop being crazy, go back to working out with Ana, And stay with Kenny.
Kenny: Ignore Crystin when she talks crazy, when she flirts with other guys, and when sha says how fat/ugly/stupid she is. And spy on her through Yelp so you can keep her away from food retards. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 10th, 2007|04:03 pm] |
Things that make me a grinch this year:
1. I am an unpaid taxi. Gas is not cheap now! I want you to chip in on gas! You know who you are.
2. I am not a loan officer or a bank. Please stop borrowing my money.
3. I am an unpaid therapist. I am not your counselor! I cannot help you with your issues! Do not come over and MOPE at my house and expect me to help I do my best to cheer you up and make you laugh but I really and Truly DO NOT CARE about your unrequited love. Every one has someone they love and can’t have. That’s just life!
4. Health: Please stop complaining! I don’t wanna hear 40 times how much it hurts! Again: DO NOT CARE.
5. There are no dish fairies in my kitchen. Please wash your dishes! Please please please. I am desperate. |
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| news |
[Nov. 15th, 2007|09:55 am] |
KNOXVILLE, Tenn. (AP) - Tennessee authorities say a father is accused of raping two teenage daughters and forcing them wear electric dog collars.
The father is charged with aggravated child abuse and two counts of rape. And his wife also faces charges. Prosecutors say she knew about the use of dog collars but not the alleged sexual assaults. She faces charges of aggravated child abuse and failure to report child abuse.
They live in eastern Tennessee, near the Kentucky border. The husband and wife were identified in court, but The Associated Press is withholding their names to avoid identifying their daughters. The AP generally does not identify possible victims of sex abuse. |
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| failing |
[Nov. 14th, 2007|11:52 pm] |
I feel awful. I am trying to deal with my guilt but I just feel like everyone should just go ahead and hate me. I tried to work things out with Maggie, but the truth is I was naiive and conceited and can't handle her. I think it's specifically her. I feel sure that if it was anoter different dog we'd be fine. The fact is I don't have the experience to train a dog with issues like hers. If i had a lot of free time I would be able to learn how to help her but as it is I'm stretched so thin as to be practically non-existent. And I can't stop beating myself up about it. I cry every time i think about giving her up but at the same time I feel immense relief. Basically this turned out to be a $500 life lesson. I heard Vania talking about me earlier. I know she's upset and disappointed in me. I could sit and list all the things that disappoint me in her but for what purpose. Like I told her earlier tonight, she can't possibly beat myself up more than I have already done to myself. My brother wants me to dismiss the whole attack and forgive Maggie so we can continue to keep her. But from what I have researched today and adding in her behavioral issues, I can see I am not capable of dealing with her. She overprotects me and constantly challenges my authority. It;s a battle of wills for every little move. And I am completely exhausted. of course, at this moment Masaki is picking fights and that's not helping my stress levels AT ALL. despite me trying to get through his thick skull that NOT everything is about him, or My he insists on pushing my buttons when I'm at my most vulnerable. So I lash out and it just makes things worse. Thursday I trie to go out to a new club and see Ron spin. Marc, Brian and Heather were all there waiting for me. But I get a call on the way from Roxanne the queen of drama, saying that my brother is trying to overdose on Ibuprofens. She wanted to call the cops. Does Masaki know or care about this? No he automatically assumes my touchiness has sumthin to do with him. So I made the mistake of following Masaki's advice and toughening up on my brother. Thursday before I went out, I lectured him on his fiscal resposibilities and I felt I was firm but not cruel but he began to spiral his thoughts downward and become depresssed. Then I guess that's when he tried to wrestle pills outta Roxanne's hands. Of course I left the club misreable but Roxanne followed my advice and put my brother to sleep. Not wanting to wake him, I went with David to get a drink b4 I headed home.
The Saturday after this I struggled with a decision and apparently chose wrong. I went and picked up Maggie and It's of course become a total nightmare because I'm foolish and arrogant. She snapped at Lionel a few times, but then her biting my brother and her aggression towards David and the atttack on the other great danes this morning....I can't cope. I feel inadequate and there's a phrase constantly going through my head that Heather said. Your gonna make your dog neurotic just like you.
Having heard that and then have masaki say I trained the dog not to like men, then with Nanette wanting me to treat dogs like people and let her sleep in my bed, and David saying from the beginning this was a bad idea-i feel like i was set up to fufill their gloomy crow predictions of failure. I hope they're all happy. I failed as a dog owner and made the dog suffer as well. Now she feels comfortable in a home and after a week she'll be back at that horrible kennel/dog groom place. I feel awful about it. I am a total loser and I hate myself for being so weak. On the other hand I know everyone was rooting for my failure because they love to use my house as a way station. Masaki to save gas, Nanette, Ryan and Roxy to stall boredom, David to watch tv. With all of this and the intense depression I fight evry holiday season does anyone wonder why I'm crazy right now? I am soooo ahting life right now. You try and try to do the right things and you get shit on by people you think are your friends. They call you neurotic (heather), they pat ur head and patronize u for not handling a dog situation correctly (david & Nanette), they send you letters where they take private info and throw it back in your face (masaki), They pressure you into a holiday celebration (david & Mom), and they judge you (Vania, and everyone above mentioned i'm sure) I guess i'm the new Elena. The banner for hatred is taken up again and Here I stand everyone's punching bag. NM i'll just punch myself up b4 the rest of u. I;m good at it.
I am a failure.
Thank you and good night.
If one succeeds in killing themselves are they a failure at life or successful at death? |
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| assumptions |
[Oct. 24th, 2007|11:23 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  depressed | ] |
My feelings are kinda hurt. I feel like no one is seeing me lately. Some friends are making these nasty assumptions about me. Like I'm some kind of cruel and manipulative person.
Debbie acts like I'm some crazy drug addict. She seems to think that all I ever do is Rave and take ecstasy. That I don't have any other hobbies. And that I'm not good enough to confide in or be close too. I basically am downgraded to being her "crazy friend" that she can use as a conversation starter.
Heather was mentioning that she knew this guy she was reading a news article about. He sued the city for a lot of money. He's in a wheelchair and the cops yanked him outta his chair & flipped him over to search him. So Heather was saying she knew this guy and I said "well, you should still know him. He's got lots of money now. You can be his nurse." and she said "he's crazy. he's just nuts always yelling and screaming" and I said "so what? for that kind of money, I'd blow him. I'd wash him up first though..." I was joking of course and she said "i know you would." so i decided to push further and I then said "well, you ARE broke right now so maybe you should reconsider." and she said "never. I'll leave that up to you."
Well fuck you Heather. Maybe I should fuck Marc and demand a Hawaiian vacation and not call it being a hooker. Because after all, you and Brian are just fuck buddies. Most whores would say that their John is their Fuck Buddy.
And now Masaki thinks I've been plotting to get him and Nanette together. Like I have some secret wish to de-virginize him. Wtf do I care what you do with your dick? Goddammit why does everyone think so badly of me? What have I done to inspire these ideas?
I guess when you joke around people need a flag held up that shows what you're saying is a joke. So take that Masaki! You always accuse me of not understanding when you're joking. Back at you buddy.
And Heather's been sitting around whining about how broke she is. Well no one told you to take a Hawaiian vacation when you're broke. Be a bit more responsible and you won't have to eat home-cooked food everyday and complain about it. Call Brian to buy you dinner. That's what a John's good for right?
And as for you Masaki-Stay alone your whole life then! Don't make new friends! Sit around and brood!
Geez get over yourselves people. Nobody stops to think "i wonder how Ana's feeling lately?"
Ana's feeling like she would like to stop being picked on. It's funny how you can spend your whole life doing good things for people, but they only remember that one time you fucked up. |
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| Mushrooms |
[Oct. 19th, 2007|04:15 pm] |
So last Saturday I went to Palmdale to Kety & Alex's place so we could hang out and do shrooms. It was a long drive kinda lonely too. All my efforts to carpool were futile.
Kety and Alex were more experienced shroom eaters so when they explained that they split an eighth and thought they were going insane, I became a little nervous about taking them. But what the hell? Like Marc said last time, jump in!
They brewed it again in International cafe powder. It was like watching a science lab to see Marc & JP dither over how to prepare the potion. It was pretty funny.
Then Kety dished out everyone's servings. Of course as bossy as she is she got to decide who got how much. I remembered my mild experience from Big Bear and was excited. I wanted to really focus on what I felt this time. The altitude made everything disoriented last time.
We toasted and drank and then sat down to wait.
Kety was already bouncing off the walls in excitement. I was watching Danielle to make sure she would be ok. All of sudden she looked at me and said "Do you feel anything?" I lied and told her no. Since she seemed frightened by the prospect that you could feel it so suddenly, I didn't want to spook her. But to be honest three- five minutes after I sat down I could feel a shift in physical sensations. That pins-and-needles feeling of terror and excitement like when you consider riding a large roller coaster.
I played the "i'm Normal" game for as long as I could but truly I was already giddy and having trouble focusing. Then I realized that everything everyone was saying was fucking hilarious. I muffled my first bursts of laughter, but then I couldn't help myself. When Kety came back to the patio table bursting with laughter and telling us how she kept counting dinosaurs over and over....I started laughing and didn't stop for what seemed like hours. I kept trying to convince myself that I could still think normally despite all the stimuli I was experiencing. But everytime I would convince myself of my normality I was thrown off track by something. First it was when I looked at Danielle and her face turned green, like when the color in your television is going. Then I took a picture of Alex and Chance and I know that in the digital screen Alex's blue eyes, were red due to the flash and drug dialation, but when I looked up from the screen at him directly his eyes were vividly red. mEanwhile Kety was staring at the concrete floor cuz to her it looked like water. She tried to convince the rest of us to look as well, but seeing her trapped like that I refused to look. J, dfollowed her example, though, and was sitting there staring with her. Which of course made me laugh again. Then there came a period of time where I felt like I had to pee. But I was afraid to walk. I had to check myself a couple of times to make sure I wasn't wet. My skin was confused with the sensations of the wind outside which was cold, and the warmth of the drugs coursing through my body. Then of course, my extremities were also tingling. As i was sitting there, paranoid that I had pissed myself, Marc suddenly gets up and says his butt's wet. I look over and there is a big puddle of water under his chair. I stare at it to make sure it's real and not a hallucination, then I panically look at his butt making sure he hasn't pissed himself. I tell Danielle my fear and she immediately looks at the puddle then at Marc and we try to figure out whether or not he did piss himself. By now I'm having lots of trouble focusing, things look a little wavy around the edges and blurred. There's movement in the corner of my \vision but when I look nothing is there. Thinking is slow and time seems to stretch into infinity. I keep thinking about what Kety and Alex had reported on their last trip, that it lasted for hours and hours. Sitting there I couldn't decide whether I wanted it to be like this for hours or to be hopeful that it will end sooner.
During this time Alex and JR are spinning or wandering around, Kety is of having what she terms "adventures". She comes to rope me into one of her adventures and I agree so I could pee. We tumble inside and head for the bathroom but it's occupied. She tells me there's a second bathroom down the hall and shows me how to get there. |
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| A star for my wedding |
[Oct. 15th, 2007|04:19 pm] |
When I was a little girl, I remember looking at the stars with my father. I understand him better now. His eccentricities, his polygamy, the various 1/2 brothers that we continually discover. Like different rabbit hole burrows. It's almost amusing to me know, although at times that little twinge of bitterness will still catch me unawares. Or a story that I will start to tell, will be spoken in a harsh tone and I surprise myself with it's depth of emotion.
The nights were soft and dreamy. In our parentally enforced frugality, there was no television, no radio, no eating out, I had books to keep me entertained. And my father.
I was always fascinated by this large ring he would wear. It had our family crest on it and a large 2karat diamond accenting a part of it. He would take my hand and I would stare at it since it was at eye-level as we walked.
Some nights when I was restless and uninterested in any books, he would take me outside to the backyard and we would both lay on the diving board.
Looking up at the five stars that the city smog would allow us to see, he would ask "Which one do you want, Katy?" He had told me this myth that the diamond in his ring was a star that he caught. I would hem and haw and drag the moments out debating the pros and cons of each star so that we could lay out there longer, pushing my bedtime as far as i could. When I'd finally choose one he'd say "When you get married, I will catch that one and put it into your wedding ring."
We moved far from the city not long after those nights. Out into the wild emptiness of Palmdale and Lancaster. Where houses were springing up like flowers and we could afford rent. And by then, there was no more father and we were a struggling single parent family. And I looked up at the skies, there were a million stars winking gently at me...and I didn't know which one to choose anymore. The world had changed. My feelings for my father had changed. When You are presented with simple options there's a simple choice. When your options increase you can become paralyzed by it. |
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| nada |
[Oct. 12th, 2007|03:44 pm] |
It's been hard lately. I feel all this need to write and express some of the turbulence in my head and yet when i sit down to freetime in front of my work computer, i can't force myself to type. I'm not afraid of anything, just a little writer's block demon on my shoulder.
Maybe I'll just start with what news matters to me right now.
I am upset about Burma/Myanmar. When I was in elementary school I dreamed of going here. Now I look at the situation and I wish I could help more than just donating, or petitioning. \When I first heard about it last week I wanted to fly there. Maybe I would get killed like that poor Japanese reporter, but at least the U.S. would have to step in for an American Citizen Martyr. Although considering they have no oil maybe not...
Marc's birthday party was a success. Although I was in a weird mood that night. I'm gonna chalk it up to my being sick, but it was really strange. He was being very sweet. I think all the past memories of his cruelty were made more bitter by his kindness that night. I kept reflecting on all the bullshit he had put me through. It made me angry. I remembered him not showing up to two of his past parties I threw for him, I also remembered that he broke my headphones and has yet to offer to replace them. And countless other things...Masaki thinks I'm exaggerating.
My car is filthy, my brother is unemployed, I haven't given Mr. Louie his rent for 2 months, I'm broke, I'm mad that Heather-ms.-i'm-so-broke is in Hawaii. Not because i want to be in Hawaii, I just feel irritated that she cried poor to our boss and managed to wrangle a raise outta him but still takes a trip that I KNOW can't be free. I was also kinda irritated that Lionel and Vania came back from Hawaii married. I know that I shouldn't be. But why did they just tiptoe around not telling me? and what happens to their wedding gifts? and are they planning on moving out? if so, when?
I'm just griping. Really nothing is that wrong. |
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| 7 quirks/facts about yourself |
[Aug. 28th, 2007|02:34 pm] |
This is from Masaki. I gather a "tag" means I'm supposed to make other people do this as well...but I only know Masaki here in the livejournal sphere. And funnily enough he probably already knows all this...but here goes!
1.I think I'm really stupid but everyone else thinks I'm smart so I play along. Most of my brilliant moments are sheer dumb luck and good guesses.
2.I'm still a nervous wreck when I'm alone in public. I feel like a freak.
3.When I say I never want to drop Acid I mean it. I see all sorts of strange things in my head NOW. I don't want it to get worse.
4.There are three religions I believe in: Buddhism, LOA, and David Mack's Kabuki.
5.I don't REALLY care about other people's relationship troubles. I just listen cuz I'm a girl and I'm supposed to. I'm only really curious in a vague-maybe-i'll-write-about-this way.
6.I have exercised 3 times a week for the past month and 1/2 and I weigh more now! what gives? And I don't believe in that muscle weighs more theory. That's some bullshit.
7.I wish I understood more about science and math. Even though I constantly mock the geeks who love those subjects. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 20th, 2007|11:25 am] |
So here I am in the air conditioned office...and I'm working on a project which I feel is stupid. I'm sure there are a million others like me out there, clicking away on keyboards whilst rolling their eyes.
My company SHOULD be better than what it is. We are umbrella-ed by one of the largest tea manufacturers in Asia. Our senior v.p.'s favorite quote to describe us is "we're the starbucks of China". But here we are in America...a yum yum company straining for sales.
Why? Whys isn't the strategy working? Why aren't we out there selling more tea? Why do **umi, **zo, Might **af and others kick our ass? They pretend to be ethnic and are wolves in sheep clothing. We're the real thing and yet...no one has heard of us...
I will tell you why. I am just a lowly office drone but I can say exactly why. Because we are an Authentic Chinese tea company masquerading as a faux Chinese tea company. Because 10 years ago the senior v.p. whitewashed us and our products to appeal to a mass American midwest audience and now...now ethnic is popular! It's hip to buy global products.
So he asked me and my coworker why it seemed like the company was backsliding. I didn't want to get involved. Seriously. I had worked at two other jobs that i poured heart and soul into and got ground down and cheated. So this time I was gonna be smart. I was just gonna take my paycheck home like a good little girl, party and piss it away on weekends, and spend the whole work week lusting after the next weekend. But I thought about it. Dammit I actually cared! I spent TIME figuring it out! And I told him: You're products that you market towards your Asian consumers (because we own several tea shops in every China town across America that sell loose teas, bobas and tea kettles) are great! They taste great, they're exotic, they are popular. But you called this company Uncle Chan's Tea!(name changed but not so much that you'd notice. I doubt anyone is fooled by this but it comforts my paranoia) You basically made us a joke! And our products are not ETHNIC or Global! Cinnamon apple, cinnamon spice we're a Heavenly seasonings knock off! You see there is this uniquely Chinese philosophy. Why do all your knock off Chanels and Guccis and Louis Vuittons come from China? Because copying is their forte! And they don't care about the quality of their rip-offs. They think you won't notice.
See? Can u tell the difference? Of course you can. This is from a Beijing amusement park that is not disney owned or sanctioned. What do they tell their kids? Honey Mickey's having a bad day that's why he looks retarded.
So my boss listened and seemed to agree. I told him that we should just introduce America to our parent company's products. Jasmine rose green tea, Dragonwell, puh erh sounds exotic huh? Well he agreed and we designed a classier line of products.
But now he's co-packing for a new distributor. We are creating a line of 17 organic teas for them. The packaging designer is someone's nephew so it's hideous. The project co-ordinator went to a fancy tea expo and has determined he wants to make all the teas in this line 100% organic no matter what it will taste like. These are teas to be carried in grocery stores as their generic brand. So maybe I shouldn't give a shit. But some of these teas are just our formulas going into their packaging. we are the counterfeit mickey's of the tea world.
I'll tell you what's wrong with all this. If I was a store owner I wouldn't carry 17 tea boxes from a no-name generic tea company. It would take up too much space and since no one was familiar with the brand no one would buy it. And it's ugly, but i'm a girl so maybe that aesthetic has no place in business. And I feel sorry for our loyal Uncle Chan Consumers. They like our tea. We will be on the same shelves as some of these teas. My boss really believes that no one will notice the same flavors sitting next to each other...and cheaper too.
But what can I do? Nothing. This whole project is the Titanic. And I don't feel like trying to run to the prow of it. I just want to adjust the clock and look away. |
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| How long does it take to know someone? |
[Jun. 8th, 2007|03:09 pm] |
I'm starting to believe it's impossible to know anyone. Maybe it's just not knowing, but understanding. When Masaki said that he felt people are illogical and it's too hard to understand them, I tried to sound encouraging but honestly I'm losing patience with people and their motivations. Perhaps this is why I always feel like I would enjoy being a mountain hermit.
I do have examples to back up these statements this time! Unlike all the times when my vague misgivings were just feelings without background. I guess we could start with Elena.
I've heard she's in her blissful, obsessive stage with her new girlfriend. It's amazing to me that she can just dump me so easily. Perhaps she will carry a little smidge of guilt for what she owes me, but otherwise I think she'll be just fine never speaking to me again. I am just impressed with her total disregard for anyone but herself. Amazing. I almost envy her because I know she lacks the guilt that drives me to distraction.
Another example would be Yvonne. She sent me an email on Monday to apologize for being angry the evening of my birthday dinner. Apparently she was upset about Debbie's behavior that night. It started with her wanting all of us to go to a party after dinner. Not just any house party; but a house party full of airforce men. We voted her out of that idea so I figure she was pissy due to that. Or she could have been moody due to the fact that Yvonne, Heather and I were discussing ecstasy in the car. She has some strong feelings about that issue. After dinner, these girls wanted to go elsewhere and dance and drink. Unfortunately on such short notice I could not think of any place that they would enjoy, and the places I did manage to think of, they didn't want to pay the cover charges. So basically after a long drive and futile searching we decided to go to the Chalet by my house. I had always wanted to go there. But once inside Debbie sat there sleepily rubbing her eyes, Janice looked half dead, and Heather seemed very bored (perusual) So Yvonne and I just gave up. We headed back to the car and Heather and I paused for a cigarette. According to Yvonne, she felt that the last straw with Debbie's mood was that she was complaining about either my driving or my rims because the car was so bumpy she couldn't nap properly. I have known Debbie since 1988. That's almost 20 years. I know she's whiny, crabby, self-important and critical. She always has been. In fact she is now way more mellow than she was. Apparently Yvonne either forgot who Debbie was, or never knew.
The last example I have is Heather and I. In October we will have known each other for 10 years. I told her she could borrow my car for lunch since I had brought my lunch. She said she was too lazy to go anywhere and that she'd just eat whatever she had leftover in the fridge. Later she keeps mentioning Beard papa's cream puffs. So I tell her if she goes she can bring me back some. But she doesn't budge. Then I said okay I'll go with you. You just have to drive. She still doesn't move (notice I keep changing tactics and suggesting options because I can tell we haven't reached a compromise that she would like to do. as a friend I know without her spelling it out, what would make her happy) so I say fine let's go. and I drove. We get there and I notice they have a cash only sign. So I say to her, "You wanna get a box of cream puffs?" and she replies, "I'm getting my own" with emphasis on the MY part. So i dig up some change from my purse and manage to buy two. One for now and one for later. I wanted more to share with people but Heather didn't get the hint when I suggested a box. So i blatantly tell the counter guy "wow just barely enough for two!" And i look pointedly at Heather. Still nothing. Geez she's gonna actually make me shamefully ask for creampuffs? So I wait and as I get my puffs she begins her large order and I say," Yeah I wanted a lot too but I didn't have enough cash. You're lucky." and she says'"well, why didn't you say something?" and I'm thinking, *You've known me for 10 years! When do I ask for things directly??? I always hint and sneak around. why? because I hate when people tell me NO. At least I can pretend that they didn't understand my request so I won't be disappointed in them. But you should know this by now. 10 fucken years. 10 10 10 years bitch* But all I say is ,"That's why I was suggesting we split a box" and she says, "Fine which ones do you want?" and it was in such a mean tone! So then I realized, not only am I ashamed at trying to ask for cream puffs, I am also now feeling what I call *FAT SHAME*. That feeling you get when you know you should not ask for fattening food cuz you'll just eat it and be fatter. So I give up and wait outside. She is now exasperated with me and I am angry with her.
20 years for Debbie, and Yvonne is still surprised at her Bitch mode.
10 years with Heather and she still doesn't understand anything i do.
What the fuck is wrong with people? we've been on this miserable little shit rock for 2million years and we don't understand how we work, how we think, or why we do what we do! It makes me crazy.
What's even crazier is that what if Masaki's right? What if we're all just fucked up and it's no point to even try and understand each other?
How depressing.
I'm gonna go eat a cream puff.
Not even *FAT SHAME* Can stop me.
Cuz sugar feels goooood
mmmmm |
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lettuce_in_pain's journal